Today... I went to UBD again, this time to take my hostel's key. My room was located at the F6 blok, on the first floor, room number 37. Bilikku paling hujung yoh! This is creepy.

Oh, I met Zzah there, and we check our room together. Kami berjiran saja, while Betty and Juju's room was upstairs. Inda pulang jauh, at least we're in the same blok!

I went there with my brothers, Abang Azhar, Adik Arip and Asri. Aku driving, which I think is sooooo cool! Kami pergi ke The Mall, kan tengok wayang, ada yang siuk tapi mainnya akhir. So cancel. Kami main game arah arcade, lapastu bali barang makanan... then home! Simple! Hehe.

I... need... to... go... through... the... modules... again....

and again....

again....

I am officially an UBDian!!

And today mark my first day at the hostel. Wanna know what I feel?

OMG! I FEEL GREAAAAAAAT! AND FREE!

But.. I miss my family already. Well, not my room, not my house. I just miss the people in my house. It feels like I wanna bring them all here. LOL!

Now that I'm here, I feel lazy to tidy up. Hehe. Ya know what? I left my room untidy! Haha! Well after all, I'm just staying here for a day or two. Or maybe three.

It's time to move on... and create a beautiful memories...

OH I'M IN LOVE WITH THIS PLACE ALREADY!

Okay... that was.. a lil bit exaggerating... Hehe.

Hari ini aku pergi ke Empire bersama Zaim. Selepas itu kami pergi ke The Mall.

HAHAHA!
Aku curi gambarmu!

Rambutku pindik......

There's some changes for our Fresher's Week Programme.

No sports...
Nothing on Wednesday, 29th July...
Nothing on Thursday, 30th July morning till noon...
No Community Service...
No Cultural Night...
It ended on Wednesday, 5th August...

Yay?

But...

Monday, 27th July and Tuesday, 28th July will be full with briefing. From 7 AM until 5 PM. Great, no?

There's a probability that this one's gonna change too. I just hope it'll be great.

Cut this out.

So, today. I went to KB with my parents at noon. I need a new spectacle, my current spec is already blurred so I need new lens. Why in KB? Andang company kacamata kami se-family disana woh. Hehe. So, DISCOUNT! *Kirai-kirai* And I bought contact lens jua.

Not long after that we went to Soon Lee Sea View (sp?) and I bought some hostel needs. More pants, towels, some medicine, face soap...

I can't help but dazed off most of the time on our way to KB and back to Tutong.

I seriously think that I need to start packing and cleaning. Hmph.

At night, we as in my parents, my brothers Asri, Arip and Azhar and I went to the mosque to attend ceramah sempena Isra' Mi'raj dan tarus sembahyang berjema'ah. Hehe. It was very calm and peace, I feel very comfortable.. I don't feel like leaving at all... Rindunya aku kepadaMu, Ya Allah...

I've made up my mind... I'm leaving too, dear. Goodbye.

I was suppose to go to KB with my parents at 2.30 PM but then mom was a hour and 20 minutes late from the hospital for her checkup. And we can't go back home late as dad has some ceremony to attend later at the mosque. So, postponed! Or canceled? Don't know...

I woke up early this morning, at 8 or 9, went out of my room to reach my Abang Azhar, and dazed off a few minutes later in his so-called-room. HAHA.

Then at 10, I went to my room, feeling bored so I switched on my laptop. Something is wrong with her, I don't know how to explain, but my account from this laptop seems missing. Luckily I still can log in to it. Lazy to found out what's wrong, I just spend the whole morning surfing the internet.

I checked UBD website and found that the timetable for semester 1 was out. But I can't understand a thing. HAHA. And I'm not sure if that's for us.

I really need to confirm myself what to take as major and breadth module. Trust me, I haven't. I'll most probably take Mathematics as major... and I really want to do Korean Language for one of my breadth module. I doubted that though, for this semester, cause of the competition. But I'll definitely take those Korean Language within this 4 years. Hehe. Insya Allah.

When I switched my laptop for the second time today, the blue screen appeared and it did some scanning. Gosh it took a hour or so to complete scanning, but thank goodness my laptop recovered. My account is back baby! Wohoo!

So...

Yes, today is another long day for me.

Dazed off several time while watching TV. I can't help but feeling sleepy. And... bored.

Baju kurung ku sudah siap! Phew~

I'm expecting a calm night tonight. Why can't I have one?

"Just when I thought things are going to work out fine, it turned the other way round.
Just when I wanted to laugh and smile, I started to cry.
Just when I thought that I'll be strong, I felt so weak.
Just when I made up my mind about my life, I felt like dying.
Just when I wanted to stop thinking of you, I began to think of you even more.
Just when I thought all this is over, I immediately feel like starting over with you.

My mind never seem to agree with my heart.
I don't know how long it will take for me to heal.
I don't know if I can get through this.
And I don't know if I'm going to be okay."

Well, well.
If you haven't notice...

"I'm a human too baby."

I too have feelings.
A family.
A future.

I should have known that you're not a good guy.
I shouldn't have care.

Today's highlight is going shopping with my parents at Bandar.

Wore this for the first time.
I love it.

I woke up with the feeling of being beaten up.

I don't know what's wrong with me tadi subuh, at approximately 1 am. I woke up and was shivering like crazy! A part of me was screaming, and some part seemed crying, and other... I really feel like dying. My head was spinning, it was dizzying, my body felt weak, I can't catch up with my breathe... I almost... faint. It felt like it was the last moment of my life.

I'm glad you save the day, dear. And after all, the one that I would listen to.. is only you. Thank you, and sorry for the trouble.

I can't went straight to bed after that, but I felt better. I watch TV to ease my mind, and eat a pear to gain some energy. Drank a lot of water too.

I don't wanna be selfish, so, I'm keeping it cool with you now.

I went to bed right after I did my Subuh prayer and ate some chocolates. Hehe. I was sleeping on the floor instead of on my bed, but I feel comfortable.

And....... Woke up at 12 noon! Haha! Before I went to take my shower, I checked my Facebook on my mobile phone, and I received an inbox from Sha. I burst into my laughter reading the last bit of her text.

"As for me:
1. VISA RENEWAL
2. NO RETURN TICKET BACK TO BRUNEI
3. Meet JOHN-HOON at Gyeonggi Province
4. Meet my baby girl (Kim Soh-ra) & family-in-law at Kang-nam Apartment
5. ANOTHER WEDDING AFTER 2 YEARS"


And here I am now... feeling... bored? But I definitely feels better. I feel secure, yeah.

Until next time. Assalammualaikum.

Beginilah rupa kami tanpa make-up.


Okay, okay.
Let's see how it'd look like after I did a lil bit of editting.


Aigoo~ I need to work harder on my photoshop.

Happy 15th birthday to my youngest brother, Asri.
XOXO.

When the weather gets better, will our relationship get any better too?

I promised to bring back the good old times we used to have, dear. If this is what we call love, I'm going to protect it. But if this is a one-sided love, there isn't anything that I can do...

I still believe in you, I still believe in your promise, and I still believe in our love.

I repeated my stupid sleeping disorder. Dazed off at 3, woke up at 11.

And I thought today is Saturday. When I was in my mom's room, seeing my mom laying in her bed, I was like, "Eh, inda mama sekulah? Damam kah?" And she laugh at me and said, "Hari apa kan ni? Juma'at jua. Kenapa kau?" Haha! Oh well, don't blame me. My everyday was like Sunday.

At 3 PM, me and my parents went to Tutong. Kan bali kain and tarus hantar arah kadai jahit, for kuliah. To our surprise, baju untuk Hari Raya pun siap udah, so... $$$$$$$. Urgh.

Bought a pant and a sport shoe. In case it's needed, so beli saja.

I'm addicted to kacang senyum. Senyum saja kerajanya, haha!

Home at 6. Oh, on my way home, Echa texted me, asking me to come out. So as soon as I reached home, tarus lepak sama Echa, Ecum, Mamat and Anis.


Inda batah atu, balik... Pasal Magrib. Hehe.

Aku malas kan liat Korean drama tonight.. See, I've lost my interest udah. Hmph.

Kata mama esok jalan lagi. Not so sure about it though.

I seriously need to work on my sleeping schedule.

Currently working on my to-buy list.

How does it feel, to live all by myself, well perhaps, with some friends for the first time?

I can't imagine how it feels like. I am all excited, nervous, scared, sad, unhappy, guilty.... A feeling that I can't explain.

But somehow, I can't wait to leave this place. There's just too much memory of you in here that it's killing me to bear all those pain... You.. How long are you planning to cut my heart? Do you want to break it?

Okay, to think that I'm going to spend a whole lot of money is... a bit... urgh. It makes me feel guilty.

It's 3 AM and I'm still wide awake. How long am I planning to keep this up?

Well honestly.. I don't plan this.

I just want to sleep and put aside this stupid feeling.

It's 9th July and I would like to say Happy Birthday to one of my best girl ever, Betty!

I miss the good all time..

Wishing you a great day, have fun dear! May God bless you and our friendship. May you be success in life, and be healthy! You're officially 20! Hehe!

Today's weather is unexpectedly fluctuating. Hehe.

Me and my friends were planning to go to UBD today morning. And stopped by at Giant for lunch, for celebrating Betty's birthday in advance. But my dad said it's better jalan sama Abang Azhar saja.

I don't want to disobey my parents, since I think I'll be busy for the next 2 weeks. And I'm most probably staying at hostel. I don't think I'll be able to see them more often, so for now, the thing that I should do is obey them.

So... the plan was cancel.

Instead, I went to UBD with Abang Azhar. We took off at 1.45 PM. Arrived there dalam pukul 2.30. But before that kami singgah Tutong, I need a copy of my identity card. Hehe. So... at UBD... We went to the International Office at first to take the module booklet, and filled in the survey. I find it difficult to choose my core/breadth module. Hmph. There's a wide of range of modules, we can pick from any other faculties. Interesting, right? And not to mention, headache too. Urgh.

Okay stop complaining!!

I took some time to fill in the survey then we went to the Hall to submit my letter of approval. Something like that lah. Hehe. After that, our last destination...Asrama! Hantar borang saja. And home!!

I realized something today. I need food, like lots of them. I didn't really eat much when I'm staying home, but now that I'm going here and there, I realized that I really really need foods!!

I'm relived that I get things done!

Let's pray for a good health from now on. Amin!

At least I don't have to cry alone. The rain's with me.

The offer letter from UBD was available yesterday, but I can't make it to UBD because I'm not in the mood to go anywhere. I'm all excited kemarin atu, and I was a bit upset jua... Okay okay, putting that aside, today, we're suppose to attend a briefing at the Chancellor Hall.

I woke up late . It was 6.10 AM when I was finally awake. I'm blaming those more-than-half-a-year holidays! Hehe. Me and Abang Azhar took off from home at 6.50 AM, and arrived 30 minutes later (Abang Azhar was speeding, LOL!).

Finally, I met Betty! I haven't seen her since the last day of our school last year. Haha. Juju and Betty is always with me today! Hoho. P/S; Awu Sha, Betty makin berisi! LOL!

I saw quite a number of ex-SMSOnian faces.

Our temperature was being checked before we enter the hall. Mine was 37.3°. I can feel my skin getting hotter, but I don't feel sick pulang. I don't think I got fever, but those high temperature? What's with me?

So... The briefing was.. at first it was rather confusing.. But at the end of the day, I finally got a clear idea. It was interesting, the GenNext degree!

I got a lot of form to be filled in and to be submitted by tomorrow, cause you know. I don't really wanna go back and forth to UBD for too many times. I find it a burden. Hmph. I want to get things done in a day wah. Hehe.

I met my long lost friend there too, Jastina! I finally got to meet you. After like, 7 years? Woah.

Because of unavoidable reason, I have to follow Juju back home. P/S; Capi Azar ah! LOL! Betty was with us too. We went to Tutong for a while, and then straight away went to Juju's home. Not long after that, Abang Azhar datang aga aku. Hoho.

It was 3 PM when we arrived home, and I went straight to bed. I was exhausted!

It was almost 6 when I wake up. Damn it. Then... I spent some time with Baby Amirah, she's so active these days. Hehe.

At night, K-Drama. But I suddenly lost my interest in watching those. Hmph.

I'll have to make some list. Thing will get a lil bit busier, I hope I can stay well. Amin.

Please click to enlarge.

Hello Sunday.

I slept very very late last night, and not to forget, I have trouble with sleeping. I think it's 3 AM when I finally dazed off.

Woke up pretty late too. 12 PM. Great, no? Hehe.

My afternoon... well at least I have a company. Memet, that is. But because I'm too weak (because I'm fasting again) I didn't really do things much but lay down most of the time. Hehe.

She got home early at 4 PM and I'm on a date with my laptop soon after that.

I was planning to watch Speed Scandal tonight, but Abang Azuan stole my laptop (because he's taking it from me without my permission, hence stole is the right word. LOL.) so I have no choice but to watch TV and have fun with my 3 brothers - Abang Azhar and my two younger brothers.

I haven't stepped out of my room since last night.

So whats up? I watched Slumdog Millionaire. Abang Azuan recommended me this movie like many many weeks ago. And Abang Azhar told me that it was a good story... So to kill both my curiosity and boredom, I'm watching it..

Guess what? TWO THUMBS UP!

It's my 5th day of fasting. Oh GOD, I feel like dying already! I don't feel good, gotta take a nap!

Off.

It's a sad day today. Oh I don't mean me, I mean the weather. Hehe. It's raining! And cold. Urgh.

And it's a boring day as well.

I don't remember doing anything productive. Urgh.

Bah. Off.

Today mark my 3rd day of fasting. Hehe. I don't really feel good right now, as I failed to wake up for sahur.

I went to bed very late, at 2 AM. So that explained why I failed to wake up... Hm.. And I woke up at 10. Sha's text message woke me up. Hehe. I'm happy for you darling! *Kirai-kirai*

Nothing much happen today. I'm pretty much locking myself at my room. I lost my interest in reading and studying, for one solid reason of course. So I'm much likely going online and watch some movies. I feel lifeless again, urgh.

And later tonight, there won't be any difference from any other night. K-drama, heh!

Bah, off then.

I'm sorry but I can't understand you. Do you expect me to understand?

You told me you love me, but you're not treating me right.
You told me you know that I love you so much, but you didn't seem to care.
You told me you got some problem, but why won't you share it with me?
You told me you have a lot to think of in mind, does that mean I don't have one?
You told me that you're sorry. It didn't seem that you mean it.

You know what? All this is a bullshit. You're being selfish there boy.

The thing that I'm positive of is that I'm all alone. In this cruel world. No one to hold on to. No one cares. No one, trust me.

I really want to run away.

I beg you dear, please fix this. Can't you see I'm going crazy?

I can't even smile a sincere smile... I can't even laugh like I use to... I can't even cry normally...

You're going to hurt me even more if you're saying your life is empty. It will make me an idiot. A total idiot.

Seriously, please fix this! I'm begging! I.. don't want our relationship to end.

The 3 stooges, back in action! LOL!

I was surprised with the gift! Thanks kamu kamu. Sayang ku banar arah kamu ni! Hehe. I finally have SJ's 3jib. WOOT WOOT!! I'm sorry I didn't have any for kamu...

We arrived at the Empire several minutes before 3 PM. Thank goodness Sha booked the tickets earlier, otherwise I think we won't be able to watch the show comfortably. Aku inda expect ramai urang pun. Hehe.

We watched.... Transformer 2: Revenge Of The Fallen. It's awesome!!! WOOT WOOT!


After finished watching the movie, we strolled around the Empire. We watched the sunset together, ahh it was my first time ne!! Hehe. They snaped a lot of pictures, well I don't because I don't have a camera with me. Huh. I'll have one, SOOOOOOOON!!

There's a lot of things in my mind that I want to forget. And there's a lot that I want to keep and remember. There's a lot of things that I wanted so much in life, and there's a lot that hated. There's many people that I want to love, and there's many that I wish I never met them.

This is how life works. I want to keep this in mind, but my heart refuse to take it.

I hate you.
I really hate you.

I wanted to mean those word to you. I want those word to became real. I really do.

But my heart, thought it ache so much, it keeps on loving you. Only you.

I don't know how long I'm going to cry... I don't know how many days I won't be able to sleep... I don't know if I can take any food... I don't know if I'm able to smile a sincere smile... I don't know... I don't know...

The thing that I know is... you don't love me anymore.

I hated this fact. Even long before I know you.

I've been in love before, several hurt me, and several, I hurt them. But I'm sick of those. I just wanted a sincere love, is it too much to ask?

I.. don't want to remember anything... I just want to lie there comfortably, and never made it back alive. I'm afraid of tomorrow. I'm afraid I'm going to break down again tomorrow.

You can go, and let my heart dies.

You can go happily, and make me bleed.

It'd be better if you just kill me, right here, right now. I.. can't take this pain anymore...